I have been hurting this month.
It’s post-break-up and i’m lying on my yoga mat, with my hands on my belly, crying, and wondering what the point of it all is.
Sometimes when I am sad, I question my faith.
Yes me too.
When I am sad, I wonder can I continue to share about the energy of our world, when I am in so much pain?
I have been feeling a deep sense of not-enoughness after breaking from someone I love and respect. It was always a spiritual connection, but as are the laws of such relationship, I took a deep dive into my core. My self-critic was certain I was to blame, where as my inner child felt sure it was source who should have led me into a perfect relationship.
“I mean surely I am not able to take the responsibility of being sovereign in all areas of my life.”
And then I glimpse devotion meeting me in these aching shadow spaces.
Devotion.
I know this feeling and it gives me shivers. Devotion. It reaches out and pulses throughout my being
It reaches out and pulses throughout my being anoints me to my relationship with myself, even though I feel as if my world is falling apart I am drawn deep into my spiritual practice again, and again, and again.
What is devotion?
Devotion is the inner voice that got me onto the yoga mat in the first place, even if it was to lie there and cry.
Devotion is the voice that says, be still. Listen, even when you feel broken.
Devotion smiles within opportunities, growth, career.
Devotion is a space between our breath, grounded in our physical core, and it expands deeper, wider, in sync with our dharma.
Devotion is not linear. But it is a two-way relationship, devotion meets us where we are, but we must also remember to devote.
Devotion does not follow a linear model of applied learning and growth. Devotion does not ask us to believe that spiritual and practices like yoga and meditation each morning equal a perfect life.
Devotion does not ask us to continually keep our vibration high, the price of success.
Instead, devotion is the muscle we built in all those hours of meditating when we were strong, aligned, joyful.
Devotion is the space between the moments, between the tasks, breathing through the actions, before and after the goals.
It is a deep beating of our heart, beneath the anxiety consuming us. It is the force that allows us to cry in surrender to all the energy it takes to be perfect.
Devotion does not demand that you do not follow a specific faith, practice, discipline, movement or meditation.
But devotion does ask you to continue in this messy spiralling human journey that stretches you.
Devotion is the force that asks you to cry in surrender of all the energy it takes to appear perfect.
Devotion is the strongest muscle on our human journey.
Devotion is both the object of focus, and the force that produces the pure gratitude that arises from devoting.
I am. And so I am in devotion. I am and so I am. I pray. I bow. I am so grateful for being able to experience this energy. No transaction. No outcome. No desire. Just devotion.
In service,
Gabrielle ?
Image Credit: @smashedavo_photos